The phrase “no” has become one of our most cherished phrases in American culture.
It’s a simple and universal statement: “I refuse to do this,” or “I don’t want to.”
We’ve been told that saying “no,” even in the face of adversity, is the only way to move forward.
But we’ve never really gotten that right.
“No means no,” as it turns out, is a misleading phrase.
There’s no such thing as a “no.”
It’s not “I’m not interested,” or, “I won’t do it,” or even “I have no interest in it.”
No, it’s “I can’t do this.”
You’re not going to get me to do it, so I won’t be doing it.
So, how do you say no when your friends, family and boss are calling you out for doing something you know you don’t do?
Let me tell you: the way to say “no to them” is by saying “thank you.”
And this simple act can help you keep that relationship going.
For example, if you’re dating someone who calls you out on your choices, or if you’ve had a difficult time working out with a partner, saying “I’d love to see how you do it with me.”
You’ll know when someone is telling you they’re no good because they won’t commit to your plans or your desires.
I’m going to do my best to make it work.
As you start to build a relationship, I’d love you to find a way to talk to me about it.
Let’s get to know each other better.
I want to do the work for you, not the other way around.
I know I can be a lot of work to do, but it’s important that we keep in mind that we’re both people who work on our own, and we both want to achieve our dreams.
The only way I can do that is to work for myself, which is something I love doing, but which also makes me nervous and insecure.
I have to be patient, and I have lots of energy for the things I love to do.
When we have disagreements, or when we don’t understand each other’s points of view, it can make us feel like we don “get it.”
That can also make us angry, which makes it easier for us to say no.
But let’s be clear: when we do say “I will not do it” or “no one is going to want to hear this,” we are acknowledging that we don, in fact, want to keep that conversation going.
If we are going to say yes to a date, let’s make sure we’re being respectful.
I love you.
And I know that you will be happy to have me back.
It doesn’t have to take a lot to get us there.
In fact, the process of building a lasting relationship is one of the most powerful things you can do.
So if you want to make sure that we all get the same type of answers and that we are both happy and fulfilled, please don’t hesitate to call me.
When you say “thank-you,” we should thank you for listening.
And if you have any questions about anything we’ve discussed or how we can improve, please let me know.
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